• blooming •
“it’s an interesting paradox we live in:
the depth to which we allow ourselves to love
is always met with an equal and opposing
potential of heartbreak and pain.
we protect our hearts
to not get hurt,
only to realize that the only pathway to great love,
is to risk great pain.
so, in a way,
when we choose to love someone,
we’re actually saying yes to heartbreak.
that’s why it’s so challenging
to open our hearts.
because we understand this.
there is no secret answer here.
we must choose
whether it’s worth the risk.
and i ask you to consider,
is it ever not worth the risk?
because the very thing you spend your life running from,
is also the very thing
you desire most to run towards.”
A friend recently shared this quote on Facebook. And it really made me stop and think. Recently, someone entered my life. It was only briefly, but my love for them ran deep. Deeper than any love I had ever experienced. In fact, I did not even realize how deep this love was until after they were gone. When they came into my life, it was quick, it was unexpected. Love has been something that has been very tricky for me my whole life. I’ve only known love with conditions, believed love had to be earned, and honestly I did not believe real love existed. I had built a fortress around my heart. But with this special soul, I took the fortress walls down. I allowed myself, to allow them into my heart. I opened myself up to the blessings that they would bring into my life.
But like the quote above says, there’s always potential for heartbreak when you open up so vulnerably. And the heartbreak soon followed. Since they’ve been gone, I’ve experienced heartbreak like no other. I have actually been shocked at how heavy it has been at times, how my heart has never ached so much for someone to return. It’s literally shook my world side to side and upside down and all over. And I’ve slowly began cleaning up the rubble from the aftermath. As I have, I’ve also been picking up other things along the way. I am learning the lessons and seeing the blessings this souls presence has left behind.
This soul has brought to me the things I’ve needed to know, experience, and see my whole life. Things have been so dark, so hard, so heavy. But I can also see the little seeds they planted for me. For the first time in my life, I have experienced true love. Though the heartbreak has been unbearable, I know it hurts so much because there is so much love there. I now know how that feels, I now know my heart is able to feel such an amazing feeling. I have learned to also fully love and accept myself. It’s still a process, an everyday, every minute effort. But I am finally experiencing self love. I have become even stronger. I know I can withstand any storm on my own two feet. Through this experience, I have been shown who my real friends are, who my tribe is. And I am gaining new friends, ones I never thought I would cross paths with and never would have it weren’t for this soul. I have taken my power back. I am choosing me. I have been shown what is possible for me, if I choose it. I have hope. I have a new found passion inside of me. My intuition is stronger than it’s ever been before. This experience pushed me to tap into Spirit, higher power, my ancestors, my spirit and animal guides, and most importantly, my own inner compass. I no longer doubt myself as much as I did before. I am at peace with myself. I am beginning to finally release all the stuck history, the stuck energy, the stuck patterns. And step into the real me. I am finally forgiving others and most importantly, myself. My blocks are gone, and for once in my life, I can feel. Good and bad, but regardless, I can feel. I see myself, others, and the world with fresh eyes. This list can go on, and on, and on, and on.
So though this has been the biggest and most crumbling heartbreak of my life, it has also been one of my greatest blessings. I’m so grateful I opened up my heart to this soul and this experience regardless of the story’s ending. Because they planted seeds in me, and now I’m nurturing those seeds. And I can see them starting to grow. I can see them beginning to grow, and with that transformation I am beginning to... bloom <3